The Joys of Teaching...

One of my students told me the other day that he couldn't sit through my class because he was--get this--sea sick. Since I do not teach at a school that is located on a boat and since I was certain this kid hadn't been anywhere near a body of water within the past 24 hours (the education system in Korea makes sure of that), I was a little perplexed by this announcement. When I asked if maybe he had a headache or if his stomach was giving him trouble, he replied, "No. I said I'm sea sick." Fine. Whatever, Johnny. Now shut up and sit down.

I teach a class full of 15 year old boys. No girls. This is tragic for a number of reasons, mainly pertaining to their pubescent sexual curiosity and me (the only female in class) as their target for 50 minutes a day, three times a week. A few weeks ago, the boys ignored my instruction to write complete sentences using their vocabulary words and instead opted to chat amongst themselves in Korean. When I heard the Korean word for "teacher" make its way into the conversation, my ears immediately perked up. Two of the boys were snickering and casting sly glances at me when I caught one of them saying "cup size". The poor boogers didn't realize that "cup size" is apparently a Kong-glish word and that I understood perfectly what they were talking about. I immediately broke up their little conversation with a tangent about being respectful and about actually doing the assignments I give to them instead of talking about stupid things in class. They all nodded their heads and appeared to be thinking seriously about my words when one of them suddenly piped up and said, "Teacher, what is your cup size?" I proceeded to kick them all out of my class. (Unfortunately, I had to give an explanation to my boss for why every single one of my students was standing out in the hallway. That was an awkward conversation.)

Just last week, one of my elementary students decided--in all of her kindness--to share her concern for my "weight problem". I was giving a lecture on verb usage when the little dear raised her hand and said, "Teacher fat." As I was about to correct her sentence to "Teacher is fat," or "Teacher, you are fat," she suddenly pointed to my bum and said "Whoa, biiiiiiiiggg" between fits of giggles. She then proceeded to point to just about every other part of my body and repeated the same line, much to the amusement of the entire class. And what was I supposed to do with that? I did exactly what any self-respecting woman should do: I immediately conjured up a crash diet and workout plan in my mind (it crashed before it started) and I cried myself to sleep that night. (Note to you kind people who may feel the need to say something to make me feel better: (1) I'm being dramatic, and (2) I'm over it already, so no worries.)

Ah yes, these are the joys I encounter every day as a teacher. Whoever said teaching is a rewarding job clearly never taught a class in his/her life, or he/she was presumably on drugs through the entirety of his/her teaching career (and if the latter is the case, I need to know what kind of drug was used and how I can get my hands on it).