Tales From The Classroom

I taught some of my first grade elementary school kids the word "toot" the other day. While some might find this a completely unnecessary word to teach ESL kids who are learning basic conversation skills, I have reason to disagree in this case. I have a chronic fart-er in this particular class who has the most pungent flatulence quite possibly in the world and he just. can't. control. it. While most people have the ability to hold in such stinky-ness, this poor little guy has either failed to learn how to hold them in, or he just doesn't have the muscular capacity required to accomplish such a feat.

Anyway, in an attempt to keep the student from gassing the entire classroom and everyone within it on a daily basis, I told him to raise his hand and urgently say, "May I go to the bathroom and toot, please?" if he ever felt the slightest inkling that it may be coming (there's no reason he can't ask politely). I asked him if he thought he could at least try to hold it in until he escaped the classroom doors, and he solemnly swore that he would try to the best of his 6-year-old ability.

It worked.

Yesterday, while I was dryly giving a lecture on the importance of not hitting the person sitting next to you, Ben urgently raised his hand and shouted, "May I go to the bathroom, please? I have a toot!" I even more urgently yelled, "Get out of here!" and off he went. Those of us who remained in the classroom sat on pins and needles wondering if the smelly student would wait long enough for the stench to dissipate before he reappeared. Thankfully, he decided to wait a bit. He came back in a few minutes later and proudly announced, "Miss-uh McClintic," (that's what he calls me) "My toot is very long and it make a loud motorcycle sound!"

Call my teaching methods subpar, but it made me proud.